TOGETHER TO RECONSTRUCT LIFE

 

The loss of a son is the most difficult existential challenge, that one for which we haven’t any former reference in our personal history which may help us to overcome it on our own. In these difficult situations the parents often resort to tranquillisers to reduce anxiety, to soporifics to succeed in sleeping, to antidepressants to face the darkest moments or they apply to the help of a psychologist, a psychiatrist or a priest who succeeds to lessen anguish only temporarily.
It has come out that even social services aren’t able to satisfy and to answer to the total variety of human needs bound to mourning experiences. This is the reason why the creation of groups of reciprocal help for persons in mourning has become an important social resource in order to face together with other people the way of recovery, breaking through the barricades of fear and shame. They are often called groups of reciprocal help to emphasise the principle to help each other without delegating to others the task of making them feel well, but we think it’s more suitable to define them of reciprocal help because the group offers the context not only to help themselves but also to help each other reciprocally.
In this sense the association, after a first phase of individual listening hours during which arises the reassurance of feeling accepted, promotes the formation of little groups of parents who meet once a week for the duration of one hour and a half in a comfortable and discreet place where they learn to open and express themselves in freedom. The group is important because the overcoming of pain requires a warm circle of affection which wraps the person who suffers and puts away the chill of death. The parent is invited to share his experience with the group, if he feels to do so in that moment: the aim is to permit him to verbalise all his fears, all his anger and his sense of guiltiness; these are all feelings which cause him pain inside.
In this stage the group shows support and unconditioned acceptance, exercising an action of containment and, above all, it offers a careful, participating listening activity. The intention is to let relive, explore and examine the painful reality so that the parent realises his situation in front of the group and becomes conscious that he isn’t going to be alone anymore to support himself and that he isn’t the only one who suffers. The parent has the opportunity to see himself reflected in the other parents who are like mirrors which help him to move towards a comprehensive acceptance and to overcome all the negative feelings, replacing them with more positive, more constructive ones.
The group becomes a place where the sharers can give voice to their pain, their fears and hopes telling their own stories. The possibility to express one’s own feelings and the consciousness of feeling themselves understood are the basis to build up confidence. The presence of other persons who share one’s own suffering establishes ties of solidarity, reveals spaces of hope, improves communicative skills and relationship with other persons, supports a climate full of positiveness and reciprocal support which helps to turn back to life and to the capacity of making plans for the future again .
Of course, there will also be some other occasions with the invitation of experts who will illustrate a particular topic and at the same time there will be organised some initiatives which may favour moments of socialisation and recreation.
But the group won’t be a permanent refuge; it’s rather an anchor to hold on in moments of bewilderment. It has not to become the only place on earth where you feel safe. The group’s aim is to help parents to heal their wounds in order to make them continue the journey of life. The objective is that the relationship with the others helps to strengthen the self-confidence, to stimulate taking on new initiatives and to help immersing themselves into the sea of life with realism and courage.